A man needed a horse, so he went to a church and got one. Before he left, the priest told him that it was a special horse. In order to make the horse go, you say, "Thank God", and for it to stop you say, "Amen".
So the man left, and a few minutes later he dozed off on his horse. Hours later, he woke up and his horse was racing him towards the edge of a cliff. Just in time, he shouted "Amen!" and the horse stopped a few inches from the edge.
"Whew," said the man, "thank God!"
Three patients at a psychiatric clinic are up for release. The psychiatrist informs them that they will have to pass a simple test. He asks the first patient, "How much is two plus two?"
At which point the doctor calls in the orderly to escort the patient back to his room. Turning to the second patient, he asks, "What is six minus three?"
To which the patient replies, "Square."
Once again the orderly is called in to remove the patient. Turning to the third and last patient, he asks, "How much is five plus five?
The patient answers very confidently, "Ten."
The doctor, amazed, then inquires, "Very good. How did you figure it out?"
The patient reply, "Easy. Blue multiplied by square equals ten."
A psychiatrist met an old patient and exclaimed, "I heard you died."
"But you see I'm alive," smiled the ex-patient.
"Impossible," said the psychiatrist. "I was told you'd died by a colleague who's had 22 peer-reviewed papers published, so his opinion's bound to be much more reliable than yours."