Last night I was relaxing on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen: "Oh sweetheart, what would you like for dinner, my love? Chicken, beef or lamb?"
I said, "Thank you, darling. I think I'll have chicken."
She replied, "You're havin' a peanut butter sandwich. I was talkin' to the dog!"
A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.
"You know, love" she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is wrinkled, and my body isn't what it used to be." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."
He thinks about it for a bit and then says in a soft voice, "Well... your eyesight seems to be good."