During the spelling period the teacher asked the class: "Will anyone volunteer to spell matrimony?"
Little Johnny, being sort of a precocious young boy, stood up and promptly spelled matrimony.
"Now define it," said the teacher.
Little Johnny replied, "Well, I don't exactly know what it means, but my Aunt Mary says she's had enough of it."
Four golfers were approaching the clubhouse green when they saw two ladies approaching.
One golfer commented to another, "Here comes my wife with some old hag she's picked up somewhere."
"And here comes mine with another," retorted the other, icily.
The clergyman of a large church, having just arrived in Fort Smith, was being shaved by a local barber that was addicted to occasional drinking sprees. There was an unmistakable odor of whisky around the barber's face and the razor suddenly nicked the man's face.
"You see, that comes from taking too much drink," said the clergyman.
"You're right," said the barber. "Drinking does make the skin tender, that's a fact."
Railroad agent: "Here's another farmer who is suing us on account of his cows."
Supervisor: "One of our trains has killed them, I suppose?"
Agent: "No, he claims our trains go by so slow that the passengers lean out the window and milk them when they go by."