A man was arraigned for assault and battery and brought before the judge.
Judge: What is your name, occupation, and what are you charged with?
Prisoner: My name is Sparky, I am an electrician and I'm charged with battery.
Judge (after recovering his equilibrium): Officer, put this guy in a dry cell.
The client thumped his crutch on the ground as he confronted his lawyer. "Heavens, man, your bill is outrageous! You are taking three-fifths of my settlement. I never heard of such extortion."
"I furnished the skill, the eloquence and the necessary legal learning for your case," said the lawyer coolly.
"Yes," said the client, "but I furnished the case itself."
"Bosh," sneered the lawyer. "Anyone could fall down a deep hole."
As the after dinner speaker gushed on and on, Deacon Miller nodded, and nodded until his head rested on the table cloth. The chairman reached over and bumped him lightly on the head with his gavel.
Deacon Miller: "Hit me harder, I can still hear him..."