An inmate at the local detention center was sitting in his cell playing solitaire. Another inmate was watching. Finally the kibitzer spoke up, "Wait a minute. I just caught you cheating yourself."
"Shhh! Don't tell anybody but for years I've been cheating at solitaire. "
"You don't say! Did you ever catch yourself cheating,?"
"Nah, I'm too clever."
Sweetheart to her boyfriend: "Do you love me with all your heart and soul?"
Sweetheart: "Do you think I am the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world?"
Sweetheart: "Do you think my lips are like rose petals?"
Sweetheart: "Oh you say the most beautiful things!"
Mr. Wimple was suing for divorce.
"Then judge," he protested, "my wife hit me over the head with an oak leaf."
"Well, that couldn't have hurt you, surely," the judge commented.
"But it was the oak leaf from the center of the dining room table," answered Mr. Wimple.
While on a field trip to a local petting zoo Little Johnny breathlessly rushed up to his teacher and shouted out, "Teacher, teacher, I just saw a man making a horse!"
"Oh, Johnny, are you sure?" asked the teacher.
"Of course," said Johnny, "they were tacking on his feet as I walked by!"