The judge wanted to make sure the witness understood the solemnity of the occasion.

"Do you know what the word 'oath' means?" asks the judge.

"Sure do," says the witness. "Oath means if I swear to a lie, I gotta stick with it."

Upon receiving her manuscript with a rejection letter back from a major publishing company, the author sent a letter to the editor.

"Sir," she began, "you sent back a story of mine. I know that you did not read the story, for as a test I pasted together pages 18,19,20 and 21. My story came back with these pages still stuck together. I know you are a fraud and turned down the manuscript without reading them."

The editor replied: "Madam, at breakfast when I open an egg I don't have to eat the whole egg to discover it is bad."

During the spelling period the teacher asked the class: "Will anyone volunteer to spell matrimony?"

Little Johnny, being sort of a precocious young boy, stood up and promptly spelled matrimony.

"Now define it," said the teacher.

Little Johnny replied, "Well, I don't exactly know what it means, but my Aunt Mary says she's had enough of it."

Four golfers were approaching the clubhouse green when they saw two ladies approaching.

One golfer commented to another, "Here comes my wife with some old hag she's picked up somewhere."

"And here comes mine with another," retorted the other, icily.