Landlord: "I want you to pay your rent."
Struggling artist: "Let's discuss this. In a few years people will look up at this miserable studio and say, 'Truman Jones, the famous artist, use to work here.'"
Landlord: "If you don't pay your rent by tonight, they'll be able to say it tomorrow."
Jeff to son Jeffery: "Why don't you get your girlfriend a sun lamp?"
Jeffrey: "Why a sun lamp?"
Jeff: "Yes, I bought your mother one."
Jeffery: "She bakes herself with it?"
Jeff: "Yes. Yesterday she baked herself for six hours and now she is the toast of the town!"
2 Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Mustang east on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first trooper pulled over quickly.
The rookie trooper pulled in behind him and said, "Hey, Sarge, why did you stop?"
The sarge replied, "Forget it, he's in Georgia now. They're an hour ahead of us, so we'll never catch him."