Little Johnny was attending the birthday party of a classmate when the mother asked, "Little Johnny, does your mother allow you to have two pieces of cake when you are at home?"
"No, madam. "
"Well, do you think she'd like for you to have two pieces here?"
Little Johnny replied confidently, "She wouldn't care. It's not her cake."
Little Johnny's aunt was visiting and going on and on about her husband. "When he went overseas during the last war he carried my picture through every battle."
Little Johnny interrupted her with a question, "Did he use it to scare the enemy off?"
Dorothy, the little daughter of a tire salesman, had seen triplets for the first time.
"Oh mother," she cried out upon returning home, "what do you think I saw today?"
"I can't imagine, dear, what?"
"A lady had twins, and a spare!"
As he stood at the bar for the first time with his son the proud father said, "Now is as good of time to talk about some of the facts of life. Remember. a man that drinks beyond his capacity is no gentleman. To enjoy life you must observe a happy medium. Have a drink occasionally, but never, never, never get drunk."
"Yes sir," replied his dutiful son, "but how am I to know when I am drunk?"
"Well, you see those two men over there in the corner?" said the father. "If you were to see four men, you'd know you were drunk."
"Dad, let me have the keys," grinned the son. "There's only one guy over there."