Principal: "Johnny, no running in school. Now, just why are you in such a hurry?"
Little Johnny (out of breath): "Sir, I'm trying to keep two fellows from fighting!"
Principal: "Who are those fellows?"
Little Johnny: "Billy Jones and myself!"
Looking at a home in a new neighborhood the prospective buyer ask the man next door: "Besides yourself, how many knaves do you suppose live on this street?"
"Besides myself?" replied the other. "Do you mean to insult me?"
"Well then," said the first. "How many do you reckon including yourself?"
When the train stopped at the little Southern station in Arkansas, the tourist from the north sauntered out and gazed curiously at a lean animal with scraggy bristles that was rubbing itself against a scrub-oak.
"What do you call that animal," he ask curiously of a native.
"Razorback hawg," replied the native.
"What's he doing rubbing himself against that tree?"
"He's stropping himself, such. Just stropping himself."
A man walks into the grocery store and ask to speak to the manager about buying all the rotten eggs.
"What do you want with all the rotten eggs?" the manager asks. "Are you going to see the new comedian at the theater tonight?"
"Sh-sh-sh!" hissed the buyer nervously. "I am the new comedian."