Poodle: “My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is leaving me for a German shepherd, and I’m as nervous as a cat.”

Collie: “Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?”

Poodle: “I can’t. I’m not allowed on the couch.”

An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. He takes out an ad in the newspaper, but two weeks later, there’s still no sign of the mutt.

“What did you write in the ad?” his wife asks.

"Here, boy,” he replies.

My sister explained to my nephew how his voice would eventually change as he grew up.

Tyler was exuberant at the prospect.

"Cool!" he said. "I hope I get a German accent."

While at the dinosaur exhibit in Disney’s Animal Kingdom park, I overheard a confused woman complaining to her friend.

She said, "How could they possibly know the names of all those dinosaurs if they died 75 million years ago? And another thing, how do we even know they were called dinosaurs?"