A man brought some prescription tablets and started cutting off the edges.

Do you know why?

He wanted to avoid the side effects.

Teacher: "School starts 8am, young man. Why are you coming in at 8:30am?

Student: "Sir, by all means, you can start the class without me. No need to wait."

What is an alien's favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!

"You must've been hungry? I noticed you've eating at this wedding for an hour now!"

"I'm full, but the wedding card said dinner is from 8-10 pm..."