Her: At least invite me out to dinner.

Him: I don't go out with married women.

Her: But I'm your wife.

Him: I make no exceptions.

When I was a kid, I wanted to play the guitar badly.

And after years of hard work, practice and dedication, I can now play the guitar... badly.

I put my phone under my pillow last night.

When I woke up it was gone and there was a $1 coin in it's place.

It was the Bluetooth Fairy.