A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian. "What is it made of?" she asked.

"Alligator teeth," the Indian replied.

"I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us."

"Oh no," he objected. "Anybody can open an oyster."

A large two engine train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down.

"No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half-power.

Further on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill. The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we have no power. The good news is that this is a train and not a plane."

A woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th child.

"Congratulations," said the nurse, "but don't you think this is enough?"

The woman replied, "Are you kidding? This is the only vacation I get each year."

The seven-year old told her mom that a little boy in her class asked her to play doctor.

"Oh,dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?"

"Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company."