Vincent Van Gogh had a really large family. Here's a listing of some of the lesser known relatives:
The really obnoxious brother - Please Gogh
The brother who ate prunes - Gotta Gogh
His dizzy aunt - Verti Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking - Wayto Gogh
And his magician uncle - Wherediddy Gogh
A woman has a problem with her closet door - it's falling out every time a bus passes by. So she calls a repairman.
The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls out every time a bus passes by.
"OK, I'm going to take a look at this, just close the door behind me," and he steps into the closet.
At that time the husband comes home from work, opens the closet and finds the repairman.
Husband says, "What the heck are you doing here?"
Repairman replies, "You won't believe it, but I'm waiting for the bus."
Our supply clerk at the factory was in a dither. A box had been left on the loading dock with this warning printed on it: "Danger! Do Not Touch!"
Management was called, and we were told to stay clear of the box until it could be analyzed. When the foreman arrived, he donned safety goggles and gloves, and then he carefully opened the box.
Inside were 25 signs that read: Danger! Do Not Touch!
Resolutions You Can Keep...
1.) Gain at least 30 pounds.
2.) Read less.
3.) Stop exercising.
4.) Watch more TV.
5.) Procrastinate more.
6.) Start being superstitious.
7.) Spend more time at work.
8.) Stop bring lunch from home and eat out more.
9.) Sleep more.
10.) Start a new bad habit.