At my friends' wedding reception, the groom stood to say a few words. He turned to his bride's mother. "You've given me a gift," he began, "a gift that..."

Here he paused in thought, whereupon his mother-in-law completed the sentence, "That you can't return!"

1. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date and now sells for half the price you paid.

2. The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is foreign to you.

3. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.

4. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.

5. Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet.

6. You're reading this.

7. Even worse; you're going to forward it to someone else.

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."

Captain Hook, Captain Crunch, and Captain America walk into a bar. Hook says, "Ahoy mates, I'll buy the first round. Just let me go to the bathroom real quick."

The others wait and when Hook comes back Captain America asks, "Hey Hook, how bout those drinks?"

Hook yells, "Shove it up yer stars and stripes, ya flag waving boy scout!"

America turns to Crunch, "Why's he suddenly so irate?"

Crunch says, "Well, that's what happens when you take the P out of a pirate."