merk Profile

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merk

User Details

Member Since : Nov, 2015
# of jokes posted : 1093
# of followers : 3
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 5
Location: United States
won: $ 1041.00
$9.00 won 4 votes

A mother wanted to teach her daughter a moral lesson. She gave the girl a quarter and a dollar for church. "Put whichever one you want in the collection plate and keep the other for yourself," she told the girl.

Sunday, when they were coming out of the church, the mother asked her daughter which amount she had given.

"Well," said the little girl, "I was going to give the dollar, but just before the collection the preacher said that God loves a cheerful giver. I knew I'd be a lot more cheerful if I gave the quarter, so that's what I did."

4 votes

Joke Won 6th Place won $9.00
posted by "merk" |
$12.00 won 2 votes

L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal by Landslide

Patient at Death's Door - Doctors Pull Him Through

Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

2 votes

Joke Won 4th Place won $12.00
posted by "merk" |
$50.00 won 3 votes

There's quite an art to falling apart as the years go by,
And life doesn't begin at 40. That's a big fat lie.
My hair's getting thinner, my body is not;
The few teeth I have are beginning to rot.

I smell of Vick's-Vapo-Rub, not Chanel # 5;
My new pacemaker's all that keeps me alive.
When asked of my past, every detail I'll know,
But what was I doing 10 minutes ago?

Well, you get the idea, what more can I say?
I'm off to read the obituary like I do every day;
If my names not there, I'll once again start -
Perfecting the art of falling apart.

3 votes

CATEGORY Elderly Jokes
Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "merk" |
$10.00 won 3 votes
rating rating rating rating rating
 

My daughter called me at work to say I had received a call from "Josh" at the bank regarding my account.

Returning the call to my bank, the operator asked what Josh's last name was. I explained that he hadn't left his last name.

Then she asked for his department, and I said that I didn't know that either.

"There are 1500 employees in this building, ma'am," she told me rather sharply.

So I asked her for her name.

"Danielle," she said.

"And your last name?" I asked.

"Sorry," she replied, "we're not allowed to give last names."

3 votes

CATEGORY Business Jokes
Joke Won 5th Place won $10.00
posted by "merk" |