A man was arraigned for assault and battery and brought before the judge.

Judge: What is your name, occupation, and what are you charged with?

Prisoner: My name is Sparky, I am an electrician and I'm charged with battery.

Judge (after recovering his equilibrium): Officer, put this guy in a dry cell.

Today was a really bad day for me...

FIRST, my ex got run over by a bus.

SECOND, I lost my job as a bus driver.

"How the diet going?"

"Not good, I had eggs for breakfast."

"Scrambled?"

"No, chocolate."

The clergyman of a large church, having just arrived in Fort Smith, was being shaved by a local barber that was addicted to occasional drinking sprees. There was an unmistakable odor of whisky around the barber's face and the razor suddenly nicked the man's face.

"You see, that comes from taking too much drink," said the clergyman.

"You're right," said the barber. "Drinking does make the skin tender, that's a fact."