Seen on the door of a repair shop:

WE CAN FIX ANYTHING! (Please knock on the door—the bell doesn’t work.)

After football fans in one particular city were treated to a particularly excruciating loss earlier in the season, a man phoned a sports-radio talk-show host to say, “Everyone should call in and give one word for that game.”

“What’s your word?” the host replied.

“Bored out of my mind,” said the caller.

Q: What do skeletons say before eating?

A: Bone Appetit!

I love making clothes for my five-year-old granddaughter. And she, in turn, always seems happy to accept them. The other day, I asked if she would like me to make her a skirt.

"Yes," she said. "But this time, could you make it look like it came from a store?"