stee Profile

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stee

User Details

Member Since : Sep, 2016
# of jokes posted : 68
# of followers : 2
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 0
Location: United States
won: $ 1247.00
$5.00 won 5 votes

As I stepped out of the shower, I heard someone in my kitchen downstairs. Knowing that my wife was out, I grabbed my 1903 heirloom rifle—which no longer works—and crept downstairs, forgetting the fact that I was in my birthday suit.

I came around the corner with the gun raised, only to find my wife loading the dishwasher. “What are you doing?” she asked.

“I thought I heard an intruder. 
I came down to scare him.”

Scanning the contours of my doughy, naked body, she mumbled, “You didn’t need the gun.”

5 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
Joke Won 10th Place won $5.00
posted by "stee" |
$15.00 won 8 votes

I discussed peer pressure and cigarettes with my 12-year-old daughter. Having struggled for years to quit, I described how I had started smoking to “be cool”.

As I outlined the arguments kids might make to tempt her to try it, she stopped me mid-lecture, saying, “Hey, I’ll just tell them my mom smokes. How cool can it be?”

8 votes

CATEGORY Kid Jokes
Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "stee" |
$25.00 won 5 votes

Texting acronyms can stump even the best of moms:

Mom: Your great-aunt just passed away. LOL.

Son: Why is that funny?

Mom: It’s not funny, David! What do you mean?

Son: Mom, LOL means Laughing Out Loud.

Mom: I thought it meant Lots of Love. I have to call everyone back.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Daughter: I got an A in Chemistry.

Mom: WTF!

Daughter: Mom, what do you think WTF means?

Mom: Well That’s Fantastic.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Mom: What do IDK, LY & TTYL mean?

Son: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later.

Mom: Okay, I will ask your sister.

5 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
Joke Won 2nd Place won $25.00
posted by "stee" |
$7.00 won 4 votes

Feeling listless, I bought some expensive "brain-stimulating" pills at the health food store. But it wasn’t until I got home that I read the label.

"This is just rosemary extract," I complained to my husband. "I can’t believe I spent all that money for something that I have growing wild in the yard!"

"See?" he said. "You’re smarter already."

4 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
Joke Won 8th Place won $7.00
posted by "stee" |