Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart in The Villages, FL. just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies, especially around a Retirement Community.
One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but you're being late so often is quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."
"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though you coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?"
"They said, 'Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?'"
Two brothers were fast asleep in their room when the eldest heard a thud sound.
Eldest: What's that sound?
Youngest: Oh, it's just my t-shirt falling off my bed.
Eldest: T-shirt? Why was it so loud?
Youngest: Because I was still in it.
My husband was going on a diet, but when we pulled into a fast-food restaurant, he ordered a milkshake. I pointed out that a shake isn't exactly the best snack for someone who wants to lose weight. He agreed, but he didn't change his order.
The long line must have given him time to make the connection between his order and his waistline. As the woman handed him his shake, she said, "Sorry about the wait."
"That's okay," he replied. "I'm going to lose it."