college jokes

Three students all have dinner together, a sophisticate, a vulgarian, and a foreigner. They return to their shared dorm rooms that night and when they wake up in the morning they all have painful gas. The sophisticate says,

"Zounds! I just broke wind with such intense vigor my anus hurt!"

The vulgarian says,

"Crap, dude! That fart hurt my butt-hole!"

The foreigner who would have understood,

"Wow, stinky pain!" tries to fit in by saying,

"Broke fart intense butt-hole!"

The professor of a university was extremely busy explaining something important with regard to his subject to the students when a girl belonging to the same class arrived late at the door and said, "May I get in, sir?"

"Don't you think you're terribly late today?" said the angry professor to the girl.

The girl then said, "When I was coming to college, a boy was following me, sir."

"I hope he hasn't stalked you. Yet, why did you get late?" demanded the professor.

Without a moment hesitation the girl replied, "But, he was walking slowly, sir."

A college student stated, " I DON'T LIKE HISTORY."

"THERE'S NO FUTURE IN IT."

COLLEGE MATHEMATICS EXAM PAPER

INSTRUCTIONS: ATTEMPT ALL QUESTIONS. ALL QUESTIONS CARRY EQUAL MARKS.

You have dated a girl for 2 years, eventually she drops you for another guy. Calculate the percentage of time wasted.
(20 marks)

You bought a phone for your girlfriend and she gave it to another guy. Using trigonometric identities, derive a general formula for this type of love.
(20 marks)

(For Boys) You’re dating around 15 girls and every girl is demanding for a Samsung Galaxy and an iPhone 6s.

(a) Plot a graph of girls against prices of phones.
(15 marks)

(b) Use your graph to estimate your future poverty.
(5 marks)

You are dating other peoples’ sisters yet you don’t want to see any guy with your sister. Calculate the Percentage Error in your thinking capacity.
(20 marks)

You are a civil servant, your wife is a petty trader, your combined household income is less than $500. Your daughter who is awaiting result is using iPhone 6s and Samsung Galaxy both worth $2,000. Calculate the Percentage of your Parental Negligence.
(20 marks)

(For girls) You’re a girl and you have dated 20 guys with hard labor, use the law of diminishing return to calculate the substance that will be left for your husband to enjoy.
(20 marks)

You can’t give your wife $15 for a pot of soup, but you spend over $100 in bars and restaurants. Calculate the radius of your ‘stupidity’, take p=3.142.
(20 marks)

GOOD LUCK!