religious jokes

Man to priest: father, may I smoke while I'm praying?

Priest : no you cannot!

Lady to priest : father, can I pray while I smoke?

Priest: yes you can!

A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners.

At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10."

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked."

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon and with great expression, he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, " And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He then sat down.

The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn 365, "Shall We Gather at the River."

Mother: Did you behave well in church today, Marjie?

Marjie: I certainly did. A nice man offered me a plate full of money, and I said, "No thank you."