religious jokes
Favorite this joke There's a little old Christian lady living next door to an atheist. Every morning the lady comes out onto her front porch and shouts "Praise the Lord!"
The atheist yells back, "There is no God."
She does this every morning with the same result. As time goes on, the lady runs into financial difficulties and has trouble buying food. She goes out onto the porch and asks God for help with groceries, then says "Praise the Lord."
The next morning she goes out onto the porch and there's the groceries she asked for, and of course, she shouts "Praise the Lord!"
The atheist jumps out from behind a bush and says, "Ha, I bought those groceries - there is no God."
The lady looks at him and smiles, she shouts "Praise the Lord, not only did you provide for me Lord, you made Satan pay for the groceries!"
How Churches might be in 2020:
PASTOR: Praise the Lord.
CONGREGATION: Hallelujah!
PASTOR: Can we please turn our iPads and Kindle Bibles to Exodus 20:1. When you’re done, kindly switch on your Bluetooth to receive the sermon. Please have your debit cards ready as we shall now collect tithes and offering. You can connect to the church WiFi using password Lord99087 and as for the renovation donations, you’re welcome to contribute via EFT or mobile banking. The holy atmosphere is truly electric as the iPads beep and flicker.
CHURCH SECRETARY: This week’s meetings will be held on the various Whatsapp groups so please don’t miss out! Wednesday Bible teachings will be held live on Skype @1900hrsGMT. By the way, you may follow the Pastor on Twitter for counseling and don’t forget our weekly prayers on YouTube. God bless you all.
CONGREGATION: Amen!
A woman begins to pray, "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes and somebody else wins.
She again prays, "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.
So, once again, she prays, "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help and I've always been a good servant to You. Please let me win the lottery just this one time, so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly, there is a blinding flash of light as the Heavens open. She is overwhelmed by the voice of God, Himself.
He says, "Sweetheart, work with me on this. Buy a ticket."
Monday morning a man bumped into the priest, “Good morning Father, you should know, I was by your sermon yesterday, and I couldn't fall asleep last night!"
“Why what was it that I said?" asked the priest.
“Oh no, I wasn't listening to what you said, I slept the whole way through."
Free Daily Joke