While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer. The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable purchasing it.
The first nun replied that she would handle it without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier was surprised, so the nun said, “This is for washing our hair.”
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer, “The curlers are on me.”
A man walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.
"Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man's feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," the clerk says.
"Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth."
An old man walked into a car showroom and found the car he wanted to buy. He requested that the salesman not sell the particular model till the next day, since he wanted to buy it on his birthday.
The salesman gave his word. The next day the old man visited the showroom only to find the car being sold to a young lady. The young lady looked really gorgeous. The old man asked the salesman, "I told you to keep this car on hold. Not only didn't you keep your word, you also sold it at a discounted rate."
The salesman replied, "She insisted to buy only this car, and with a discount. Look how beautiful she is? How could I say no to her?"
The young lady walked up to the old man, gave the car keys to him and said, "Didn't I tell you they'd give me a discount? Happy birthday Dad!"
Myra was going to the office party but needed a new party dress.
In the clothing store she asked, "May I try on that dress in the window, please?"
"Certainly not, madam,'" responded the salesgirl. "You'll have to use the fitting room like everyone else."