Best Jokes

Irish Saw mill Accident....
Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local saw mill.

One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw.
Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital.
Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick. The nurse says, "Oh he's out in Rehab exercising".
Paddy couldn't believe it, but there's Mick out the back exercising his now re-attached arm.

The very next day he's back at work in the sawmill.
A couple of days go by, and then Mick slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw.
So Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off to the Hospital.
Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. The nurse replies, "He's out in the Rehab again exercising".
And sure enough, there's Mick out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. And very soon Mick comes back to work.

But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head.
Wearily, Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to the hospital.
Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is. The nurse breaks down and cries and says, "He's dead."
Paddy is shocked, but not surprised. "I suppose the saw finally did him in."
"No", says the nurse, "Some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated".

A magician was facing an unruly crowd as his tricks failed to impress them. To cheer them up, the magician said: 'could any one please give me an egg. For I shall show you a marvelous trick'
One at the last row shouted: 'If we had an egg with us, it would have reached you long before'

An Idiot was once asked," Where is the center of the earth?" to which he instantly replied," Right here!"
But why he was asked. The idiot replied, "You don't believe it? Then disprove it!"

Two bumpkin chicks in the hen house are discussing about the bad feed they eat.
This shorter one is just listening, not answering to the talkative one. All of a sudden he stops and says: I have decided to go to College on a night course.
Why is that, why such an urgent matter?
My relatives, all of my folks, and my friends are been humiliated, they are all fed up with this lousy feed, but worse of all, to be called bumpkin and hick all the time, you silly. I will become an attorney and won’t be humiliated anymore.