Best Jokes

A nursery school driver was delivering a van full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said Tommy.

"No," said Billy, "he’s just for good luck."

Peter brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," he said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

A lawyer phones the governor’s mansion shortly after midnight. “I need to talk to the governor, it’s an emergency!” exclaims the lawyer.

The governor’s assistant wakes the governor and hands him the phone. “So, what is it that’s so important that it can’t wait until morning?” grumbles the governor.

“Judge Pierson just died, and I want to take his place,” begs the attorney.

“Well, it’s okay with me if it’s okay with the undertaker,” replies the governor.

Years ago someone in California hollered “Gold,” and people drove from all directions. That’s the way they still drive in California.

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. “I’m just wasting my time,” she said to her mother. “I can’t read, I can’t write and they won’t let me talk!”