Best Jokes

A psychiatrist was trying to comfort a new patient who was terribly upset. “You see, Doc,” the patient explained, “my problem is that I like shoes much better than I like boots.” “Why, that’s no problem,” answered the doctor. “Most people like shoes better than boots.”
The patient was thrilled, “That’s neat, Doc. How do you like them, fried or scrambled?

1. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
2. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
3. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
4. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
5. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
6. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
7. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh no, motion sickness!"
8. Meow occasionally.
9. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
10. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

Employer: We can pay you 75 dollars a week now and 100 dollars a week in eight months.
Applicant: Thank you. I’ll drop back in eight months.

Panting and perspiring, two men on a tandem bicycle at last got to the top of a steep hill.
“That was a stiff climb,” said the first man. “It certainly was,” replied the second man.
“And if I hadn’t kept the brake on, we would have slid down backward.”