Best Jokes

A man taking a woman home after their first date asks if he can come inside of a cup of coffee. “Oh, no,” she says, “I never ask a guy in on the first date.”
“Okay,” the man replies, “how about the last date?”

Say, Joe,” a man said to his friend, “how do you like your new job?”
“It’s the worst job I have ever had.” “How long have you been there?” asked his buddy.
“About three months.” Said Joe. “Why don’t you quit?” said his friend.
“No way. This is the fist time in 25 years that I have looked forward to going home after work.’

Sign on the company bulletin board: “This firm requires no physical fitness program. Everyone gets enough exercise jumping to conclusions, flying of the handle, running down the boss, flogging dead horses, knifing friend in the back, dodging responsibility, and pushing their luck.”

A bachelor asked the computer to find him the perfect mate: “I want a companion who is small and cute, loves water sports, and enjoys group activities.”

Back came the answer: “Marry a penguin.”