Best Jokes

“Hi, police department? I’ve lost my cat and …
“Sorry lady, this is not a police job, we are too busy…
“But you don’t understand… this is a very intelligent cat. He is almost human.
He can practically talk.”
“Well, you’d better hang up, lady. He may be trying to call you right now.”

Wife: I dreamed you gave me $500 for summer clothes last night. You would not spoil that dream, would you, Dear?
Husband: Of course not, Darling. You may keep the $500.00

A girl involved with a women’s lib group boarded a crowded bus and one man rose to his feet.

“No, no! You must not give up your seat, I insist!” she said.

The man replied, “Lady, you may insist as much as you like. But this is my street, so this is where I get off.”

A college student said to his mother, “I decided that I want to be a political science major and that I want to clean up the mess in the world!”
“That is very nice,” muted his mother. “You can go upstairs and start with your room.”