Best Jokes

A man visits his psychiatrist and talks about being haunted by visions of his departed relatives. He says; these ghosts are perched on the tops of fence posts around my garden every night. They sit there and watch me and watch me. What can I do?
The psychiatrist says; that's easy … just sharpen the tops of the posts.

Marriage is nature’s way of keeping people from fighting with strangers.

A driving instructor: What would you do if you were going up an icy hill and the motor stalled and brakes failed?
His student replied; I’d quickly adjust the rearview mirror.

An important official who was visiting an insane asylum made a telephone call but had difficulty getting his number.

Finally, in exasperation, he shouted to the operator, “Look here, miss, do you know who I am?”

“No,” she replied calmly, “but I know where you are.”