Best Jokes

Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get the quarter back.

Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get the quarter back.

A woman was rushed into the hospital in an ambulance as she was just about to give birth to twins. She wasn't able to reach her husband, so she left message with her brother, who was going to meet her at the hospital. At the hospital the lady was in such pain that she had to be sedated. A couple of hours after the babies had been delivered, she woke up and asked to see her children.

"Doctor, could you bring my babies to me so I can name them?"

The doctor replied, "You don't need to worry about names, your brother has already named them.

"Why did you let him name them, he has no sense! What did he name the little girl then?"

"De-nise!" replied the doctor.

"Oh that’s not too bad, I thought u were going to tell me he'd named her something awful. So what did he name the boy?"

"De-nephew, of course."

Things To Do In An Elevator

1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.
4) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
5) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
6) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
7) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
8) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
9) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"
10) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
11) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
12) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
13) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
14) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
15) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"