I Changed all my passwords to 'incorrect."
Whenever I forget, it will tell me: "Your password is incorrect."
If Moses would have swallowed his pride and asked for directions, it probably would have taken them 40 years to cross the desert.
Girl: Baby I want to ask you something.
Boy: Ask me for anything, I will do it for you, you are my heaven and earth.
Girl: Can u kill a lion 4 me?
Boy: Are u sick? How can I kill a lion for you? Please ask for something else.
Girl: OK, let me go through the messages on your phone.
Boy: hmmmmm. Where is the lion you want me to kill?
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
He replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, lets see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK" the nun says, "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make anyone blush. When they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm not a catholic."
The nun says, "That's OK My name is Gary and I'm going to a Halloween party."