Latest Jokes

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)

A backwards poet writes inverse.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

If a clock is hungry does it go back four seconds?

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, will you get repossessed?

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

I went to the doctor yesterday because I was having strange dreams.

Told the doc that one night I dreamed I was a wigwam and the next night I dreamed I was a teepee.

Doc told me to relax. I’m just two ‘tents’!

On a cold winter evening, a man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same frigid sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower, they both manage to nod off to sleep.

In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly hand me one of those blankets over there."

The man leans out and with a glint in his eye and says "I've got a better idea ... let's pretend we're married."

Considering this for a moment, the woman giggles, "Why not?"

"Good," he replies. "Get your own blanket."

Don't Make a Nurse Angry

A big shot businessman had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees.

None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

"No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his rear end.

After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"

She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor comes into the room.

"What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"

After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Well, no. I guess I haven't. Not with a carnation anyway."