Latest Jokes

I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been lucky not to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from various social sessions over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and then topped it off with a margarita. Not a good idea. Knowing full well I was at least slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a taxi home.

Sure enough I passed a police road block but because it was a taxi, they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise

I have never driven a taxi before and am not sure exactly where I got it.

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.

"Please allow me to help. I'm a Physio-Therapist and I know I can relieve your pain if you'd allow me."

"Oh, no, I'll be alright. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel?"

"Feels great," he replied; "but I still think my thumb's broken!"

A dog is so smart that his master decides to send him to college.

Home for vacation, his master asks him how college is going.

"Well," says the dog, "I'm not doing too great in science and math, but I have made a lot of progress in foreign languages."

"Really?" says the master. "Say something in a foreign language."

The dog says, "Meow!"

When Jesus went to the bathroom for the first time as a baby, that was the first time someone said the phrase: “Holy Crap!”