Latest Jokes

A teacher asked her students what religious objects they had in their homes. One boy answered, "We have a picture of a woman with a halo holding a baby and every day my mother kneels in front of it."

The next little boy said, "We have a brass statue of a man seated with crossed legs and an Asian face, and every day my parents burn an incense stick before it."

Then a third boy piped up, "In the bathroom we have a flat, square box with numbers on it. Every day my mother stands on it first thing in the morning and screams,'OH MY GOD!'"

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds. As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car. Were they trying to steal it?

"Heavens no, we bought it."

"Then why don't you drive it away."

"We can't drive."

"Then why did you buy it?"

"We were told that if we bought a car here we'd get screwed ...so we're just waiting."

On the church newsletter were these instructions -

Hold this paper close to your nose and breath deeply. If the sheet turns green, you need to see a doctor. If it turns blue see your dentist. If it turns red see your bank manager. If it turns black, you need to check your will, so see your lawyer immediately. If, however, it does not change color then there is nothing wrong with you, and there is 'no' reason why you shouldn't be in church next week.