Latest Jokes

On the church newsletter were these instructions -

Hold this paper close to your nose and breath deeply. If the sheet turns green, you need to see a doctor. If it turns blue see your dentist. If it turns red see your bank manager. If it turns black, you need to check your will, so see your lawyer immediately. If, however, it does not change color then there is nothing wrong with you, and there is 'no' reason why you shouldn't be in church next week.

Grandpa and Grandma were living with their son and daughter-in-law. Grandpa noticed that his son had a bottle of Viagra and asked if he could have one.

His son said, "Dad, I don't think you should take one, they're very strong and expensive."

Grandpa said, "I know, but I want to try one. How much are they?"

His son replied, "$30 each."

Grandpa only had a $50 bill but was going to the bank. He told his son that he would leave $30 under his pillow that night.

The next morning his son found $130 under his pillow and said, "Dad, I told you it was only $30. There's $130 under my pillow!"

Grandpa said, "That's ok, the other $100 is from Grandma!"

1) You walka pasta da bakery.

2) You walka pasta da candy store.

3) You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.

4) You walka pasta da table and fridge.

"What does the Chaplain do?

A couple was touring the capitol in Washington, DC, and the guide pointed out a tall, benevolent gentleman as the Congressional Chaplain.

The lady asked, "What does the Chaplain do? Does he pray for the Senate or House?"

The guide answered, "No, he gets up, looks at both houses of Congress, then prays for the country!"