Latest Jokes

You can win a lot of money by betting people that you know the score of Super Bowl 50 (or any other sports game that has a score in it) before it happens.

You guys/gals can place the bet. Then you say: "The score of Super Bowl 50 (or any other sports game that has a score in it) is 0-0 BEFORE IT HAPPENS!!!"

All of his life George from Cape Breton had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day, they'd walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal drink.

So when George's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Corky took a boat out to the middle of the lake. George stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned! Corky just managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, George went to see his grandmother. "Grandma, it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked into George's eyes and said, "Because your father, grandfather and great grandfather were born in January, you were born in July."

Whenever I go to a restaurant, I always order is "dihydrogen monoxide on the rocks with a clear siphoning tube inside a glass".

The waiters/waitresses always ask me what drink is that?

I tell them that's the scientific name of a glass of ice water with a straw.

When TV repairmen get married they get excellent receptions.