Latest Jokes

I have this friend. His name is Sam Katz.

One day he bragged to me that, "Everyone knows Sam Katz!"

I said, "You don't know the president of the United States." He said , "Let's go to the White House and I'll prove it."

So we went to the White House and Barack Obama greeted him and said to him, "Hey Sam Katz! How are you doing?"

After all the greetings I said, "You don't know Queen Elizabeth."

He said, "Let's go to Buckingham Palace and I'll prove it."

So we go there and the Queen says "Sam Katz, so good to see you again!"

After the greetings I said to him, "Okay. One last person, you don't know the pope."

He said, "Let's go to the Vatican and you wait outside and we'll come outside by the window and wave to you."

So that's exactly what we do. The next thing I do is faint.

My friend asked me, "What happened to you? I tell him, "It was one thing when you knew the president. It was another thing when you knew the queen. But when you came out with the pope by the window, and the guy next to me asked, "Who's the guy with Sam Katz?" I completely lost it.

A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray.

"And what will your third wish be?"

The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?"

"You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left."

"Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I've always wanted to understand women. I'd love to know what's going on inside their heads."

"Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever, "That was your first wish, too!"

Three hunters were walking in the woods one night when they came across a set of tracks.

"Those are bear tracks." The first hunter said.

"Those are deer tracks." The second hunter said.

"No, they're fox tracks. The third hunter argued.

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Q: Why did the fungi leave the party?

A: There wasn't mushroom.