Latest Jokes

The Bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.

Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride. The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.

So he announced: "Ladies and Gentlemen, today is the luckiest day of my life." Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and said, "My daughter has finally returned my Credit Card to me!!!"

The whole audience burst into laughter. But one was in complete silence... The Groom!

A hypothetical situation where 20 CEO's board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature Pilot less technology: It is an un-crewed aircraft.

Each one of the CEO's is then told, privately, that their company's software is Aircraft's automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEO's promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.

One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed, asked why he is so confident in this first un-crewed flight, he replies "If it is the same software that runs my company's IT systems, this plane won't even take off."

This is Confidence!

Bert: Hey Ernie, would you like some ice cream?

Ernie: Sherbert

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.

So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."

"And what about the men?" the minister asked.

"They all wanted to know if the mule was for sale."