Latest Jokes

What is the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu?

For the bird flu you get tweetment and for the swine flu you receive oinkment.

There I was totally naked.

Two hands running freely all over my body.

No area seemed OFF LIMITS but I wasn’t shy or embarrassed.

Yet I did not experience the euphoria one could imagine.

This was not the first time nor I expect will it be the last.

I waited patiently for any further sensations as these hands wandered seemingly with purpose yet resulting in no response from me.

So these so called hot steamy sessions are always flat.

Oh well! – I guess showering is like that! We'll see what happens tomorrow.

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"

"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."

"That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?"

"Twenty-six," he said.

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Harley Davidson motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?" The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic... "Try doing it with the engine running."