Latest Jokes

Q: What do you call Eskimo cows?

A: Eskimoos.

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."

Four guys enjoying a round of golf come up to the 18 hole. The first 3 guys put their ball in the fairway, the last guy drives his ball over the fence with his new Titleist. He tells his friends to finish up and that he will meet them in club house.

After a half hour goes by and finally the 4th golfer comes back all beat up with bumps and cuts on his head and bleeding all over. All his fellow golfers are like, what the heck happened?

He tells them the story. Over the fence was a bunch of cows. I noticed one cow was moaning and carrying on crazy. I slowly lifted her tail and there was a ball stuck in the you know what. Gladly it was not mine. About that time a lady came over the fence looking for her ball. So I told her to come over and let me show you something. I raised the tail on that cow and said to her does that look like yours?

After that I don't remember much...

So I'm sitting in a bar across from two very large women and I say, "Cool accents are you two from Scotland?"

One yells back, "IT's WALES YOU IDIOT!"

I say, "Ok so you are two whales from Scotland?"

I don't remember much after that