Latest Jokes

Neighbor: Why do you allow your wife to drink so much?

Me: Ever seen how she acts sober?

The minister of a city church enjoyed a drink now and then, but his passion was for peach brandy, and one of his congregants would make him a bottle each Christmas.

One year, when the minister went to visit his friend, hoping for his usual Christmas present, he was not disappointed, but his friend told him that he had to thank him for the peach brandy from the pulpit the next Sunday. In his haste to get the bottle, the minister hurriedly agreed and left.

So the next Sunday the minister suddenly remembered that he had to make a public announcement that he was being supplied alcohol from a member of the church.

That morning, his friend sat in the church with a grin on his face, waiting to see the minister's embarrassment.

The minister climbed into the pulpit and said, "Before we begin, I have an announcement. I would very much like to thank my friend, Joe, for his kind gift of peaches ... and for the spirit in which they were given!"

Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days.

The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord."

He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion.

As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."

A Mitochondrion walks into a bar and asks for some energy.

The barman says: "That'll be 80p!"