Latest Jokes

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a Dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: We Dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

Q: What do you call a snobbish criminal going down stairs?

A: A condescending con descending.

A guy asked his very good friend if you could stop over to his place and spend a little time working on his computer.

His friend agreed and turned the system on. When he turned on the PC he had an unpleasant surprise.

He asked: ”Why is the display completely black?”

His friend answered: ”The PC is mourning his video card...”