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Favorite this joke A police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible drunk drivers. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off.
Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered a Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy."
I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
"This is the 21st century," she said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad.".
I can tell you this... That fly never knew what hit him!
A Lady is driving for the first time on an expressway.
Her husband calls on her cell and says, " Be careful my love, I just heard on the radio, that some one is driving opposite to the traffic on the expressway!"
She replied, "Someone...? These rascals are in Hundreds!".
This past Sunday Mary Ellen and Elisabeth went to the 10:30 AM service and the new pastor was long winded and his sermon was quite long.
After the service was finally over, Mary Ellen said to Elisabeth, "The sermon was beautiful don't you think?".
Elisabeth replied "Oh yes it was, but a bit too long. Next week I'm bringing my cushion to sit on, these benches are too hard."
She continued to say, "You know Mary Ellen at one point during the sermon I thought my butt went to sleep."
Mary Ellen said, "I know, I heard it snore three times."
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