Latest Jokes

Visiting a genealogist, a man asked how much it would cost to have his family tree traced.

“It could cost thousands of dollars,” said the woman.

“I see. Well, isn’t there an easier way? A less expensive way?”

“Sure,” she replied. “Run for president.”

Patient (to Doctor), "I forget things easily. What should I do?"

Doctor, "I think first of all you should pay my bill".

A private just out of training is assigned to guard the main gate.

He is ordered to allow no one through unless they have the password.

A vehicle with a 3-star general inside rolls up. The private stops the vehicle and asks the driver for the password.

The driver doesn't know the password. The private, after saluting the general, asks him the for the password. The general doesn't know it either.

The private says, “I can’t let you through without the password.”

The general replies, “Son I'm the commander of this base and a 3-star general!”

The private says, “Sir, I still can’t let you pass."

The general tells the driver to drive on through.

The private then says to the general, “Sir I'm real new to this. Do I shoot you or the driver?”

England's West Country is known for its charming cottage-like shops. While visiting the area, my friend peered in through one window to see shelf upon shelf of interesting looking books. So, she went inside.

A woman appeared through a beaded curtain and asked, "Can I help you?"

"No, just browsing," said my friend.

"Fine," came the reply. "But, just so you know, around here, most people knock before entering someone's home."