Latest Jokes

There were three kingdoms, each bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.

The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons.

The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with 2 squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner.

The third kingdom was very poor, and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight’s armor.

The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.

The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.

And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

Visiting a genealogist, a man asked how much it would cost to have his family tree traced.

“It could cost thousands of dollars,” said the woman.

“I see. Well, isn’t there an easier way? A less expensive way?”

“Sure,” she replied. “Run for President.”

Patient (to Doctor), "I forget things easily. What should I do?"

Doctor, "I think first of all you should pay my bill".

A private just out of training is assigned to guard the main gate.

He is ordered to allow no one through unless they have the password.

A vehicle with a 3-star general inside rolls up. The private stops the vehicle and asks the driver for the password.

The driver doesn't know the password. The private, after saluting the general, asks him the for the password. The general doesn't know it either.

The private says, “I can’t let you through without the password.”

The general replies, “Son I'm the commander of this base and a 3-star general!”

The private says, “Sir, I still can’t let you pass."

The general tells the driver to drive on through.

The private then says to the general, “Sir I'm real new to this. Do I shoot you or the driver?”