Latest Jokes

So a duck walks into a bar and asks the Bartender, "Got any gwapes?"

The bartender says, "No!".

The duck walks out, comes back the next day and asks the Bartender, "Got any gwapes?"

The bartender says, "No!".

The duck walks out, comes back the next day and asks the Bartender, "Got any gwapes?"

The bartender says, "No! And if you come back again I'll staple your beak to the bar".

The duck walks out, comes back the next day and asks the Bartender, "Got any staples?"

The bartender says, "No!".

"Got any gwapes"?

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?

Bob!

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the leaf pile?

Russell!

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the hot tub?

Stu!

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on the wall?

Art!

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in front of your door?

Matt!

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in your mailbox?

Bill!

What do you call a man (or a woman) with no arms and no legs on the grill?

Frank (or Patty)!

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean Beef!

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef!

What do you call it when a cow tries to jump over a barbed wire fence?

Udder Destruction!

Gracie was driving down the road in her pickup truck when she spotted a blonde sitting in a canoe in the middle a corn field. She slammed on her brakes and swerved into the corn field.

Pulling up beside the blonde, she rolled down her window and shouted, "Hey! What do you think you're doing?!?"

The blonde in the canoe looked at her, confused and said, "Well, I'm just out enjoying the sun in my canoe."

Gracie was fuming. She yelled back, "Why are you out in the middle of the cornfield!?!"

"Well, it seemed like a great day to be in the wide open," the blonde replied.

"You know," Gracie said, "It's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name! If I could swim, I would come out there and kick your butt!"