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Glad I looked in the mirror, i've been looking for that hat for 2 hours!

What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

ROBERTO!

Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home. "Sixty is the worst age to be," announced the sixty-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"

"Ah, that's nothing," said the seventy-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran - you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out!"

"Actually," said the eighty-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."

"Do you have trouble peeing too?", asked the sixty-year-old.

"No ... not really. I pee every morning at 6 AM. I usually pee like a racehorse - no problem at all."

"Do you have trouble taking a crap?", asked the seventy-year-old.

"No, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6:30."

With great exasperation, the sixty-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at six o'clock and take a crap every morning at six thirty. What's so tough about being eighty?"

To which the eighty-year-old replied, "I don't wake up until ten."

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'

'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'

The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them."