Latest Jokes

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'

'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'

The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them."

So a duck walks into a bar and asks the Bartender, "Got any gwapes?"

The bartender says, "No!".

The duck walks out, comes back the next day and asks the Bartender, "Got any gwapes?"

The bartender says, "No!".

The duck walks out, comes back the next day and asks the Bartender, "Got any gwapes?"

The bartender says, "No! And if you come back again I'll staple your beak to the bar".

The duck walks out, comes back the next day and asks the Bartender, "Got any staples?"

The bartender says, "No!".

"Got any gwapes"?

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?

Bob!

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the leaf pile?

Russell!

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the hot tub?

Stu!

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on the wall?

Art!

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in front of your door?

Matt!

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in your mailbox?

Bill!

What do you call a man (or a woman) with no arms and no legs on the grill?

Frank (or Patty)!

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean Beef!

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef!

What do you call it when a cow tries to jump over a barbed wire fence?

Udder Destruction!