Latest Jokes

I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

Q: What do you call a snobbish criminal going down stairs?

A: A condescending con descending.

A guy asked his very good friend if you could stop over to his place and spend a little time working on his computer.

His friend agreed and turned the system on. When he turned on the PC he had an unpleasant surprise.

He asked: ”Why is the display completely black?”

His friend answered: ”The PC is mourning his video card...”

Two women met in heaven who were previous acquaintances on earth.

One said, "I can't believe you're here so soon what happened?"

She exclaimed, "I froze to death!"

The other said, "That's terrible how'd it happen?"

"Well I started shivering uncontrollably, fell asleep and here I am!" Then she asked how her friend died.

She exclaimed "I had a heart attack! I came home to find my husband sitting in his lazy chair and I just knew it was cheating on me so I ran around the house looking everywhere for another woman I looked in the basement looked in the attic look behind the shower curtain in the bathroom and I ran myself into a frenzy and collapsed of a heart attack.

Finally her friend replied "If you would have just look in the freezer we both still be alive!'.