Latest Jokes
Favorite this joke A Student wanting to measure something asks his teacher, "Sir, do you have a ruler?"
"Yes," answers the teacher, "She's at home watching the kids."
A woman was following her boyfriend home in her car when he hit a rabbit in the road. He stopped the car and saw the rabbit lying prone in the road. He felt terrible.
His girlfriend assessed the situation and dug into her purse and sprayed the rabbit who quickly jumped up hopped a few feet and turned and waved one of his front paws.
The boyfriend said what did you spray him with? She said my hair spray it says on the label:
REVIVES DEAD HAIR (hare) GIVES PERMANENT WAVE
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"
Gracie was driving down the road in her pickup truck when she spotted a blonde sitting in a canoe in the middle a corn field. She slammed on her brakes and swerved into the corn field.
Pulling up beside the blonde, she rolled down her window and shouted, "Hey! What do you think you're doing?!?"
The blonde in the canoe looked at her, confused and said, "Well, I'm just out enjoying the sun in my canoe."
Gracie was fuming. She yelled back, "Why are you out in the middle of the cornfield!?!"
"Well, it seemed like a great day to be in the wide open," the blonde replied.
"You know," Gracie said, "It's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name! If I could swim, I would come out there and kick your butt!"
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