Latest Jokes

Employer: "We need someone responsible for this job."

Applicant: "Sir your search ends here! In my previous job whenever something went wrong, everybody said I was responsible."

A guy sends a text to his next-door neighbor:

"Bob, I'm sorry. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around, probably more than you. I know it's no excuse but I don't get it at home. I can't live with the guilt any longer. I hope you'll accept my sincerest apology. It won't happen again."

Feeling outrage and betrayed, Bob goes into his bedroom, and without a word, demands a divorce from his wife.

Moments later the guy gets a second text: "Really should use spell check! That should be 'wifi'."

I woke up suddenly terrified, I'm late for work!

I opened my eyes and chilled... I'm at work.

Two guys are trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there are two terrible lady golfers in front of them hitting the ball everywhere but where it's supposed to go.

The first guy says, "Why don't you go over and ask if we can play through?" The second guy gets about halfway there, turns and comes back. The first guy says, "What's wrong?"

He says, "One of them is my wife, and the other is my mistress."

The first guy says, "That could be a problem. I'll go over." He gets about halfway there and he turns and comes back, too.

The second guy says, "What's wrong?"

The first guy says, "Small world!"